Thursday, December 27, 2018

Internal Conflicts

This morning I was telling myself that life is precious. I was telling my self I should not let any negative thoughts cross my mind. Having watched Black hawk down, although I know there a lot of better movies and honestly i did not like the whole idea of how the movie portrayed the action of US or UN high authorities as justifiable, the fact remains that in the name of war and politics, lives are lost. Again I was reminded of how important life is. I was happy I was having this good thoughts.
Alas, momentary it was. We let our lives be controlled by others so much that we feel this life does not belong to us, but just belongs to a hypocrite here to please everyone around. I want to slap myself because i cannot tell someone to keep their opinion, or hypocrisy to themselves. I cannot tell someone they have hurt me. And it comes out as rage, it comes out from me as a form of rudeness. May be, it also comes out with negative thoughts. As I am typing, I am having the urge.......
Stop controlling my life. You are not my brother or my mother or my father. And you sure as hell are not my sister. STOP. STOP. STOP. You do me more harm than you do me good by being strict with me. I am not a 13 year old teenager. Let me make my mistakes. Let me deal with it. I have done worst things in life other than saying or doing little things that is unprofessional of me. And i have learnt from those mistakes. They have been a lesson in shaping me. So, stop controlling my life. Next time, i might just say it to you. You don't have to act like my guardian. Because a true guardian does not stop you.