Thursday, December 27, 2018

Internal Conflicts

This morning I was telling myself that life is precious. I was telling my self I should not let any negative thoughts cross my mind. Having watched Black hawk down, although I know there a lot of better movies and honestly i did not like the whole idea of how the movie portrayed the action of US or UN high authorities as justifiable, the fact remains that in the name of war and politics, lives are lost. Again I was reminded of how important life is. I was happy I was having this good thoughts.
Alas, momentary it was. We let our lives be controlled by others so much that we feel this life does not belong to us, but just belongs to a hypocrite here to please everyone around. I want to slap myself because i cannot tell someone to keep their opinion, or hypocrisy to themselves. I cannot tell someone they have hurt me. And it comes out as rage, it comes out from me as a form of rudeness. May be, it also comes out with negative thoughts. As I am typing, I am having the urge.......
Stop controlling my life. You are not my brother or my mother or my father. And you sure as hell are not my sister. STOP. STOP. STOP. You do me more harm than you do me good by being strict with me. I am not a 13 year old teenager. Let me make my mistakes. Let me deal with it. I have done worst things in life other than saying or doing little things that is unprofessional of me. And i have learnt from those mistakes. They have been a lesson in shaping me. So, stop controlling my life. Next time, i might just say it to you. You don't have to act like my guardian. Because a true guardian does not stop you. 

Morning at Sailung

5:50 AM: The orange lining of the sky beautified the dawn. The cold wind was rustling as it danced in rhythm with the leaves and branches of the trees around and reddening our noses as we breathed in the fresh cold air. We were cold on the outside with every touch of the chilling breeze and warming up from the inside with every struggling step nearing the tower. Finally, when we reached the top of the view tower, we were left breathless and enthralled as the mountain range and the many hillocks all around the tower came into view. Rightly named, the place with the view of 100 hillocks i.e. Sai-lung, today was glowing from the light of the bright and full moon in the west while we waited for the sun to rise from the east. At 6:46pm, we finally saw a glimpse of a ray of light. The sun was rising. Everyone geared up and were ready to capture the majestic moment in any way they could. The sun rose like no other day. The sun rose like none of us had ever seen before. Like a bulging fire, the sun rose and as it rose, it painted the Everest region golden. And with every second, the ray shot the colors of gold to Rolwaling, Ganesh, Langtang and Annapurna range. The view of the golden mountains, the full moon and the glowing sun, the chilly mist below the mountain lines, overlooking so many hillocks in the 360-degree view enraptured us.  We posed and captured the bewitching panorama in every way we could and finally at 7:30 we came back to reality. The reality that we had a long way to go back home and time was crucial.