Insight through Words

Hush hush Don’t talk. People judge you. Hush hush  Don’t share people talk you. And hush hush Don’t open, people operate on you And hush hush Don’t blog, people read you Hush hush Cover up, opinions are aiming you Hush hush Hide under, bullets come to you And hush hush Run, they all chase you And hush hush Keep quiet, they might hear you The decisions are made, Your life is planned, 22 to get a degree, A child before 30 Hush Hush, Who are they decide Live your life by your wish

Maria walks into the class room. Its empty. The windows are open and the wind is blowing. The soft breeze whispers in her hair "You are hollow". A slight tear drops down through her eyes. I am hollow. She repeats on her mind. She recalls her conversation with Bonny. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Maria: I am sorry, but I don't feel that way about you. May be not a million times but I have said it enough times why don't you understand? Bonny: Because I like you and I cannot stop myself from caring about you. I feel like we have this connection. I have this hope I want to hold onto. May be if I could show you my heart then you could see that I am mad about you. I have tried to stop caring and just move on. But, every time I do, I fall for you harder. Maria feels sad as she recalls this conversation. She has told Bonny she has no romantic feelings. Somehow, Bonny does not accept it.

I listen to love songs and cry. I cry because it feels so much. I cry because I start making stories on my head. I am writing story for someone else. Placing myself in the position of my character, I cry. I imagine. I have been living in my imaginations for so long. I have my own world. Coming into reality is just too depressing. I fear I can never feel the same way again. Without the fear of being judged, without the fear of being criticized or feeling stupid, I haven’t loved for a long time now. Sometimes I cry by the attention I get. Because they give me so much care and I give nothing in return. I have nothing to give. I am so empty. I have become so hollow. I was sitting and pondering why, when I have people in my life who shows they care, I cannot respond with similar emotion.