Insight through Words

I was seeing him after a long time. Looking at his dark eyes I realized how much I missed them. He styled himself in a jacket with a hood under and light blue jeans paired with black converse. At the coffee house, I was stirring my coffee with sugar. That was when he told me if things went right he will be leaving in coming 10 days.  Everything suddenly felt cold and brutal. My insides were crumbling. I was struggling to keep a straight face. Nevertheless I kept up with our conversations. I wanted more time. More time to spend with him. No care of the world , I wanted to be with him.  If only I could have dared to hold his hands. I so wanted to feel the warmth of those. Mine were cold, so cold. He flew back home and I kept trying to delete the thoughts that made me dream of the place I wanted to be at. I could care less where I was, as long as I am with him. For all I know he has been lying to me, yet for all I know he makes me the best version of me. He helps me be who I never ex

And slowly now that you are slipping away May be i will recall our moments of laughter And years from now i will talk of us Our adventures together Our discovery of friendship in each other I Might as well be shedding few tears as i recall then, Of friendship so old that was broken With the calls that were made lesser With the exchange of fewer handshakes While blaming our busy life A friendship that broke apart I will call you today just like i did yesterday I will complain about you not calling me back Out of no desperation, but desire To keep my friend aside Even in years to come To recall together the journey afar But slowly i might stop So my dear friend Are we what we are? So wont you help us be What we were always supposed to be Dont forget me today Keep me in your heart even tomorrow Lets bitch about our failures Lets celebrate our success For lets keep afresh the friendship  For friends are forever

For a long time i have been reading post and listening to people talk on vehicles, chiya pasals(cafes) and i have been taking in their thoughts and opinions. I have been pensive myself over the current crisis of our country Nepal. What could be the solution to come out of this? I have been thinking.  Requesting India or china to open the borders? Is that a permanent solution?  Why has India the power to trouble our life?  China's prime minister stated he will provide all the help he can. Will he? Even if he does so without any selfish motive is that a permanent solution?  Aja usle help garla, wa india le nai nakabandhi khulla garla ra hami hamro so called "normal life" ma ramaula. Tara kahile samma? Its all some temporary and fully parasitic dependency solution. What our government should do is generate electricity. Yedi hami sanga lagani chaina vane investors leraune.  Sano bela ma trolly bus, dad ko rajhdoot bike ani mero bicycle bahek aru vehicles

Lately I haven't been a morning person. Well who am i kidding i have never been a morning person. Anyways, today i had to visit a temple nearby because my mom wanted me to. So in my own time i went there. I organized my puja thali. And when i was doing so I noticed a little girl who was looking at what i was doing fascinatingly. There was this goat as well who was also fascinated by some flowers and a raddish i had in my thali.  I started doing my puja, fully aware the goat was eyeing my puja thali.  In our culture we first offer puja to lord ganesh. Only then we offer puja to other gods. After doing the same, offering my puja to lord ganesh,i went inside the main temple of Bhairav. She tagged along and later i realized so did the goat.  The goat was disturbing  in a cute way. And the lil girl forcefully offered her help by holiding my thali for me. While i was kneeling down and doing my worship, she was making offerings from the thali herself.  And our bond started. The tem

Lately so much is going on inside my mind. I am having such an unsatiated quest. I want to know about the  beginning/start, the hows and the whys in between, the ending if any. I want to know not only what everybody knows, i want to go deeper and know that's not known to many. Like for example knowledge of the start, why  , how  of the World war or  of the glasses and their recycling. So where did this sudden curiosity come from? It couldn't have started only now to uproar abruptly, Could it? I believe its a side everyone has , just probably hidden, if not out on open, in need of that trigger. And any trigger could possible put it into hiding again.  A hungry  always finds a way to assuage his hunger!! Not always. Sometimes its the situation and some times the boundaries which we don't want to risk fighting in the conquest of satiating our hunger. As a kid i had wanted to  read novels for the sake of knowing what it is like to be occupied by somebody else's word

Could i get a day like yesterday? He comes in white tshirt And gives me a smile I melt right there  but fake a bold smile We pass through the streets  And eat our breakfast Do the grocery shopping We Buy some wine He stares into my eyes While i dive into his The smile he gives Puts me through chills We talk of movies And some paradox He smokes some weed  I try one two puff or three Could i get a day like yesterday Enamored by my sunshine's ray Could i get another day Where its just him and me Could i get another day   Embraced in his arms Could i get another day Where its just him and me And could i get another day clasped in his warm embrace

I express it all in my unspoken words to you But you never read them, I express it all through my eyes  Do you ever see?  If you could break through this wall That i hide under, If only i could break the wall you take cover under, May be i could see the words you havent said, Or may be i would know i have been a flattered fool May be , and may be you will see you make me crazy So many things are unsaid between you and me, But All i want is to know that you love me, I wouldnt know how you spent 7 days of your week And it all wouldnt matter if at the end,  its me you seek Boozing with your pals, bossing around, charming some clients At the end in my arms, if its where you wana be. Yeah i wouldnt dig to know where you have been Wouldnt give much thought on why you were up untill the morning But only if i knew whom you seek If only i knew its only me you are seeing In this game of if, i am not sure whether you are bluffing Having some round of

I m yours , to love I m yours not, to torment I m yours to embrace, to calm me down I m yours not, to ignore as you please I m yours as your pillow while you sleep on my lap I m yours not, as just another lover  I m yours to show me your love I m yours to love every side of you I m yours to stand beside you I m yours in your struggle, sorrow and endeavor I m yours in your dream, your reality I m yours if you love me And I m yours only if you want me

Out of my reach  And out of my hands So close yet so far So different and unfamiliar Yet not a stranger Because you are so much of a mystery And because i havent seen one like you  before The way you see life and the way you handle life And your determination and hardwork You talk about looking at the big picture But the little things you do arrests me And All the memories you have made Without me And all the people who know you better than me I envy Alike the rainbow after the deluge You are beautiful Alike the smokes from the puffs of your cigarette You disappear But alike a moth enamored by the fire So intriguing to me is the person that you are

I want to spread my arms As wide as i can Close my  eyes  Shut everything off And let myself go Fall so deep And as i fall I want to fly  As high as i can go Live my dream Feel the excitement of flying No more as a dream No more so real yet so dreamy feel The clear blue sky above me And oh so far the land is I rest then upon the green grass ground See the beautiful white clouds Like a hot air balloon In the sky I see the beautiful mountains Oh so beautiful they are As i am flying  Only my eyes and memories have them captured My eyes open I am in my bed But i cant let go of my dream So i wana spread my arms As wide as i can Shut my eyes off And let myself go Fall deep  Fall so deep  And as i almost touch the ground I will find my wings....

People often keep talking about freedom. About letting go. About smiling. About looking at brighter sides of life. But is it practical to look at the sunny sides of every event that happens in our life on everyday basis? Yes we can laugh at a slip on a public road with hundreds of eyes laughing at our awkward fall but how do one laugh off when someone treats you like a trash? Or when your boss pressurizes you to work extra time without any respect for your dedication? How do you laugh it off when your child snaps at you for trivial matters? How do you laugh it off when you lose someone forever? And how do you laugh it off when you love someone (and as the cold play's lyrics go) but it goes to waste? Now philosophy would be to say love has to be selfless . Love is never a waste but bullshit every love is selfish in one way or other. I mean we love them and that itself is one selfish act of our heart. And like it has been said we want people we love to be happy!! Why because we are s

No matter how much love you give , you will always fail to please people who never want to give you back enough. Because they have set their eyes on pleasing people who dont love them. You will bleed blood for them but all they will ever see is a scratched forehead of their haters. And they will choose to get that scratch treated instead. There is nothing we will take along with us upon our death yet we spend our whole life trying to claim so much. Do you get as sick as me sometimes  in this race of claiming? I wonder how tired she is of fighting? I am. I am tired just by listening to her fight. I cant imagine how fierce and struggle full her fight possibly has been all along. But is giving up the answer? Its too easy to give up and just too difficult to keep fighting. I want to come out of this. But every second of my life i feel like i am getting tangled even more.  Life seems so perfect to the outsiders. We cant even imagine what one is going through. Yet we are so quick to judge. W