Friday, April 12, 2013

A Morning That was dark

A morning that was dark:

There was something about her eyes that touched my heart. It reached my soul every time she looked at me. Her eyes always looked towards me with hope. Every time she heard my voice, she would come running. Her little feet would run as fast as it could. And she would look around if she didn't find me, search for me through her eyes. There was something about her eyes. I can still remember it very precisely. Mom had made her a little home. She was a lil puppy born to a stray dog around our home.  All her brothers and sisters had died already.
I have, at many nights found myself helpless, hearing those puppies crying because of cold. They would be crying the whole night. Their mother had left them. She wouldn't stay with them.  And no matter how many sacks or boxes we put up for them, they would still be cold on those chilly cold January nights.
Sometimes I would go down and try to light fire and try to make them warm. Every day I prayed for the sun to rise early. And as the night would start to grow, I would worry, I couldn't do anything more. I felt helpless. I would pray to god to help them. One after another, they started dying. Mom would bury their bodies nearby. They were suffering from scabies as well that got communicated to them from their mother. I remember one of the puppy had its legs and hands cramped, it couldn't see well either. It was sick. And eventually it died one day after suffering the whole night.
 She was the only one left. I had vacations. And so instead of my mom  I would go to give her food and sometimes I would stay around and see her wandering. Every time I called her or if she just heard my voice she would come running. And she would look for food. That was funny because even if sometimes I was talking to someone else she would run towards the place where I used to give her the food. And then wait for me. And I had to go up to my kitchen and bring food for her because she would look at me with her eyes that had hope on them, her small, black and beautiful eyes. She used to play with herself and at times put herself in trouble. Once she got glued to some sticky stuff.  And I had to struggle to get those glues off her body.
Whenever I went down to give her food. I needed to stay there until she finished eating or she felt full. Otherwise, the big dogs would eat all that up. So  I would just sit around nearby and look at her innocence. She would eat a little and then take a round and come back and eat a little and take a small round again and eat. She always did this. And it always made me laugh.
The winter wasn't so cold now.  May be it was still too cold for her. But she seemed fine to me. It was late morning.  I was washing clothes.  She probably heard my voice but she wasn't anywhere. I thought to myself may be she is sleeping, maybe she just want to sleep that’s why she didn't come out to have the food either. I didn't give too much thought to it. I was busy washing the clothes. Then I left the clothes to dry. It was already too sunny. She should have been out by now. But she wasn't. I called her, but she wasn't responding at all. I was already so scared. Then I pulled up the sack that had been covering the box where she used to sleep the one that mom made for her. There she was sleeping.  The food mom gave the other night it was still there but half eaten. I called her again "kalu, kalu, maam khanu aau" , come outside and have the food. She didn't respond. My eyes were teary already. I couldn't dare myself to poke her. So I grabbed a soft stick and poked her. Her body was hard, it felt like rock. She was into the another world already. I left the place. I went up and into the mirror I stared, cried, questioned. Was she sick? she looked fine!!  I blamed the government, the system because at countries like USA the stray dogs are taken care of. And here we have to think too many times before even calling a vet to check our pets because there is so much they don’t know. There is so less facility.  Animals are treated as trash. In fact here even humans are treated as trash. The entire world is surrounded with inhumanity. And everyone is living as if they owned this world. They can have papers and legal documents but that doesn't make them owe the nature. Does it??
 Too many things were going on inside my mind. Mom came home from her work. I told her about kalu's death. And I asked mom to bury her as well. She was busy. Kalu's body was still lying in there. The next day I brought myself together and picked up her body and buried her alongside her brothers and sisters. Her eyes were closed. It can no more cut through my soul anymore I thought to myself.
I prayed to god, maybe this is the best that could have happened to her. Maybe she is somewhere good.
I won’t ever forget those eyes.