Wednesday, December 28, 2016

Paralyzed

My silence
My shriek
My violence
My peace
My laughter 
Or my tears
Is all me

Defined and moulded
By the comfort 
By the environment
By the people
By the understanding


May be i am weak. But at times i just want to leave every bondage, A thought everyone gets once or twice or may be more often.


Chatterbox, agressive.

Yet i cannot speak, or convince or explain.
When i am really hurt, I chose silence over everything.
When i am really angry, I chose violence over everything. Voilence with words. Wrong words. Words i don't mean.
When someone misunderstands, I chose hurt over explanation.


Wednesday, December 14, 2016

Reticent

I remember the time exactly , which inflicted this dread for this day. It wasnt anything huge. Yet i dont understand the effects of it that hasnt faded away, being more worse with passing year. My composition, my thoughts, my behaviour everything shouts for SOS.

To wish you were never born, to wish you never existed, the self realization of no worthy achievement, the realization of a life that has been useless. 

I wish i could erase this day from my life. I dread the phone calls, the texts of a "happy birthday" wish. A year gone with no self satisfying achievement. I am where i was years from today. The same nagging, the same ......

Loathe. 
Hate.

Why so?


I am bound. 


I cannot change i cannot choose. I cannot explain.


I cannot console.


I cannot forget. 

Could i forgive?
Whom? 
Myself? Why?
For my laziness.


Monday, December 5, 2016

Ghandruk's shades

Starry skies
Some shine yellow bright
Some are dim white
Some have form shapes
While some are companionless

Pitch dark the night is
Black shades form fifty
Tapping water from the tank or tap
From Far away comes the sound of dancing beck
Around are mutli colored flowers
And are around huts so pretty

Across the bare field standing alone
Yet companies me a dog erraticly barking


Now i start feeling the cold 
Shivering through my spine
Some hiker are already deep asleep
While some are commiting fun crimes
And Some I hear whispering as i walk past 


Barks of dog and overflowing water 
Sounds of river and the cold windy dark night
Shivering i go to sleep, turns are cold 
And awake is my sleep


Its early morning
Pitch dark changes by time its shades
Taking deep breathe of air so cold
I open my eyes to a view of gold
Machaphhuchre and annapurna 3
Reflectig sunlight from it golden acme



-ghandruk 2016 11:55 pm 3rd december, 4th december 6:00 am