Sunday, December 21, 2014

If I Died ...

If i died...........

Mom...
If i havent told you enough
I love you mom
If i havent shown you as much
I love you mom
I might have told you today
But i might forget tomorrow
To express my love for you
I am grateful to have a mother as great as you
I might not know your struggles as well as you went through them
And i m sorry if i couldnot take them away
But i want to see you happy mom
If i die be happy mom.
Live in the moment
Let go of the past 
Let go of your pain
Be happy mom
Gain a little weight 
Spend on yourself
Keep being the kind hearted soul
Keep on taking care of the unloved
Dont worry anymore about me
You have given up yourself for us
And no "thank you" will be ever enough for the life you have given to us
There is so much to say to you mom
Keep making jokes with me.
I will be smiling with your smile
Be happy mom.

Dad....
Dad i know i have been too often rude
You pampered me so much dad
I know i have been a rude one 
But i love you dad
There is no despite when i think now
Its just you and me dad
No complaints no regrets 
I love you dad.
I m sorry if i failed to make you proud.
Take care of yourself dad.
Dont go climbing the ladders of the water tank
Dont do such stupid risky stuffs
I get scared.
Mom loves you too.
Dad i love you
Please be happy 
Please take care.
I love you


Di/Reshma
I just struggled whether to write "Di"
Or just "Reshma"
you are my sister but more
You have given me more than any normal sister
You have struggled at that time when you should have enjoyed life
So you could give us a comforting life
You have shown me what brave is
I express it too less
I love you a lot
You mean a lot to me
You are not just my sister 
But my guardian angel
Live your life
Sorry if i couldnt help you when you needed
Sorry if i wasnt there when you needed.
This is life
Live your moment
Do what you want
Dont hesitate.
Dont be somewhere where you are not respected
Life is  beautiful.
Take care of mom and dad
And yourself
I love you


I have so much more to say to my other family: my dogs, my cats and my friends. I love you all . I am sorry if i ever hurt you but i love you.
Take care of your dear ones. Keep smiling . Live your moments. 

To the world.....
I wish this world becomes a better place for everyone. Every living being have equal right to live on this earth so i wish humans acknowledged this fact. I wish for more humanity among us. I wish for peace.


Lots of love to everyone
-Kushma Thapa

Dec 21 -2014

Today morning i was thinking about the purpose of our life. I was convinced we are born so we can help somebody else. 
The day passed like any other day and i was going back home with two of my friends. On our way from putalisadak to bagbazar suddenly the world stopped for us. We heard a house rumble down. My first instinct was to run. But i paused. I wasn't paralyzed but i just couldn't put myself to run. It was an adrenaline rush only with no movement. I knew i wasn't as near as where the noise came from but i also knew i wasn't in a safe distance. I dared myself to look behind me and saw the rubble falling. And when i looked ahead of me i saw my two friends running. It all happened in a matter of few seconds but in that moment i realized how much can happen in one single second. It was as if time had stopped. 
Only few steps away we were from having those rumbles fall upon us and injure us or probably kill us. 
It was just about few seconds. 
And in this incident i felt the chill, the thrill. I lived an Indescribable emotion within those seconds.

I realized that we might be able to help another person in a sound state that is not a big deal . What's the big deal is being able to help other in the face of danger.

I was reminded life is uncertain. What if that would have been my last moment? So i should not forget:  i need to love more , live more and be happy and Brave.
Somebody said it true " Live every moment like its your last one."

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

God's mistake

Dear god 
You made a mistake
Am i supposed to be here?
Cause i feel so out of place

Am i being stupid now
Asking you inconsequential questions?
But dear god you made a mistake.
You gave me a sensitive heart.
And i hurt for everything.
I am trying to be strong 
But i feel so out of place
So it hurts too much.

There are so many problems to be addressed.
But i am just lazy today.
Fighting you today
Because i feel so passion less
I have got no talent on me.

I feel alone amongst my dears
They only know the words
But i cant feel them care.
Because i am sick of words.
God i didn't ask for words.


At the end its just you and me
My shallow heart and you
Don't let me hurt anyone.
I feel i am breaking 
I cannot do this anymore.
Am i not your child ?
So wont you hold me as i cry?
Wont you tell me i am strong?
That i am being stupid right now, wont you?

All i ask for is a warm smile.
But my mother gives it to me everyday
And i just snapped at her
My sister just called
And i hung up on her
My dad is a darling who loves me a lot
He is the reason i am so pampered.

But god why do i still dare
To ask you if you made a mistake?
And i am just too lazy to wake up from this bed.
I am fighting you today.
I am fighting you today.

Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Sunshine

It could be anyone
But don't want it to be me
Walking that road again
The chill scares me
I wanna walk on the sun
You be shining on me like the sun
Could you be my sunshine?

I am scared ; alike a broken glass
But how do you do it?
Putting me together. 
Healing my pieces.
Could you be my indissoluble light?

And you tell me about your plans
And make me wonder where i fit?
Feels like i am trying to spill your cup
I fight to tell you how i feel
I talk to you in my mirror
But i see you in your wonder world.
Are your dreams quixotic or feasible?

I look deep into your eyes
I hear your voice and read your words
And i fail to say it to you
"Honey where do i fit? Nowhere. 
So i cant do this....
Anymore...
I cant see myself in dark again
You came too soon"

Could have been the perfect one
But somehow i don't fit in your plan
And you came too soon
But i still wish that you were mine
Wish i could keep you as my sunshine.

You could have been my shining light
Where do i fit in your life?

May be this is our good bye
Wish you could have  been mine

Waking up hurts too much.
Good bye has no good touch.

And i wish i could keep you as my sunshine.