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Showing posts from 2018

Internal Conflicts

This morning I was telling myself that life is precious. I was telling my self I should not let any negative thoughts cross my mind. Having watched Black hawk down, although I know there a lot of better movies and honestly i did not like the whole idea of how the movie portrayed the action of US or UN high authorities as justifiable, the fact remains that in the name of war and politics, lives are lost. Again I was reminded of how important life is. I was happy I was having this good thoughts.
Alas, momentary it was. We let our lives be controlled by others so much that we feel this life does not belong to us, but just belongs to a hypocrite here to please everyone around. I want to slap myself because i cannot tell someone to keep their opinion, or hypocrisy to themselves. I cannot tell someone they have hurt me. And it comes out as rage, it comes out from me as a form of rudeness. May be, it also comes out with negative thoughts. As I am typing, I am having the urge.......
Stop con…

Morning at Sailung

5:50 AM: The orange lining of the sky beautified the dawn. The cold wind was rustling as it danced in rhythm with the leaves and branches of the trees around and reddening our noses as we breathed in the fresh cold air. We were cold on the outside with every touch of the chilling breeze and warming up from the inside with every struggling step nearing the tower. Finally, when we reached the top of the view tower, we were left breathless and enthralled as the mountain range and the many hillocks all around the tower came into view. Rightly named, the place with the view of 100 hillocks i.e. Sai-lung, today was glowing from the light of the bright and full moon in the west while we waited for the sun to rise from the east. At 6:46pm, we finally saw a glimpse of a ray of light. The sun was rising. Everyone geared up and were ready to capture the majestic moment in any way they could. The sun rose like no other day. The sun rose like none of us had ever seen before. Like a bulging fire, t…

Memories of a beating heart

Could write books on memories Couldn't we? But there our brain is Erasing events, erasing embarrassments So some we cherish, some we forget Happy moments, heartbreaking moments lonely moments, sociable moments Some we cherish some we forget
Fights and fights, Laughs and Laughs Yelling and Crying Cursing and Missing Acceptance and Rejection Complexity and Confusion
And different expectations
Needing space, needing compassion Two opposite poles or two sides of coin? Misunderstandings and regrets Overthinking and accusing Upset faces, anger and disappointment 
I miss you but this ends here Want no pilot knocking my door Taking control of my life It’s already driven by my fears Fears of failure  Fears of my mother Fears of judgemental society Fears of unknown
Memories is all I have now And I miss you But this has to be the end And I miss you Although it not upto you to accept

Hush Hush

Hush hush
Don’t talk. People judge you. Hush hush  Don’t share people talk you. And hush hush Don’t open, people operate on you And hush hush Don’t blog, people read you
Hush hush Cover up, opinions are aiming you Hush hush Hide under, bullets come to you And hush hush Run, they all chase you And hush hush Keep quiet, they might hear you
The decisions are made, Your life is planned, 22 to get a degree,
A child before 30
Hush Hush,
Who are they decide
Live your life by your wish

Hollow Emotion Part 2

Maria walks into the class room. Its empty. The windows are open and the wind is blowing. The soft breeze whispers in her hair "You are hollow". A slight tear drops down through her eyes. I am hollow. She repeats on her mind. She recalls her conversation with Bonny.
Maria: I am sorry, but I don't feel that way about you. May be not a million times but I have said it enough times why don't you understand?

Bonny: Because I like you and I cannot stop myself from caring about you. I feel like we have this connection. I have this hope I want to hold onto. May be if I could show you my heart then you could see that I am mad about you. I have tried to stop caring and just move on. But, every time I do, I fall for you harder.

Maria feels sad as she recalls this conversation. She has told Bonny she has no romantic feelings. Somehow, Bonny does not accept it. Bonny…

Hollow Emotion Part 1

I listen to love songs and cry. I cry because it feels so much. I cry because I start making stories on my head. I am writing story for someone else. Placing myself in the position of my character, I cry. I imagine.
I have been living in my imaginations for so long. I have my own world. Coming into reality is just too depressing. I fear I can never feel the same way again. Without the fear of being judged, without the fear of being criticized or feeling stupid, I haven’t loved for a long time now.
Sometimes I cry by the attention I get. Because they give me so much care and I give nothing in return. I have nothing to give. I am so empty. I have become so hollow. I was sitting and pondering why, when I have people in my life who shows they care, I cannot respond with similar emotion.