Inside Outside

Its not greatness to keep quite , to keep silence. I did lot many times. So much that it killed me inside. It made me cold. I sealed my mouth but my face always gave it away.

Its so easy to talk nonsense yet so so very hard to talk about things that actually needs to be shared. Our heart needs it. It need to release the burden of hurt. Our mind needs to release the chain of thoughts. But why is it so hard to share your dark secrets, your insecurities, your weakness, your vulnerability? Because people mock you, people use you for your weakness, they take advantage over your insecurities and they judge you on your darkness.

I did a lot of "keep quite about how I felt, shut the world, don't talk to anyone". And when people forcefully talked to me every word I uttered would come out so rude. Truth is I'm still trying a lot. Struggling a lot. I have come a long way though. Not every word I utter comes out rude now. 

I hated being a third wheel, I hated being used as a third wheel. But I could never express it to my best friend. My only explanation for my rude behavior was "you know me I have such a bad mood swing". 

We all know parents. They are very sensitive about everything we do. Hence, they make assumptions and start blaming us for things we would never even imagine to do. This is not the time to keep quite. Yes, I know our tradition teaches us to not talk back to your parents. Wrong. Clear it out. Clear it out before it becomes a wall between you and your parents. Shutting down everyone will pull you away from them. Break the wall if it's there and clear it out. Talk back, but so you could tell them you are amazing, to show them you are amazing.

Even after all this realisation, sometimes being strong is defined by the ability to hold your thoughts within you. Because life is not as simple as A B C. Its not a set of formulas that you can apply and get a definitive result. Its not black and white. Life is colourful. Life is non definitive( if it's even a term). Life is mystery.  Some times you let go of people because they need it. You have to be strong enough to let them go because they are not as strong as you to let you go. Some times you have to keep quite and listen to your parents no matter what they say because they need to release their stress on you. Sometimes you have to bear being a third wheel so your friends can enjoy some moments together. Some times you have to act rude even though it'll kill you. Likewise, sometimes you have to act sweet even though it's painful. 

Life is but a lesson. Everyday you learn something new.